Why? The Gateway to Suffering

Recently, a friend of mine at work lost a very close friend in a tragic diving accident. As she went about her duties, baking bread and dealing with customers, she politely answered their questions with a smile, even though her mind was in shock and, her heart was grieving. When we finally had a moment to talk away from customers she cried a little and said " Why him, Ron? He was a great guy everybody loved him. He had seven kids. Why did God or whoever is up there have to take him? Why couldn't it have been me? I don't have any kids... and he had such a beautiful family. Now they don't have a dad."

 For my friend, for the man's wife and children, and for anyone who has ever suffered through the unexpected death of a loved one, or a personal tragedy the question why is the fuel that stokes the fires of grief and confusion. "Why" seems to be the gateway that leads to suffering.

In reality, any question has the inherent power to cause suffering when an answer is not forthcoming. In the above situation the question "why" has the power to devastate. "Why" is born of desire. It is specifically a desire for understanding or knowledge. By definition it asks: for what cause or reason or purpose. When it comes to situations of great personal loss or tragedy it can also take on a psychological or emotional component, with an unrelenting demand for satisfaction, or justification. When coupled with grief, the demands of the question "why" can cause suffering that for some can be unbearable. Like a scale that is over balanced to one side, only a satisfactory answer to the question "why" can reset a heart and mind lost in grief and confusion.

The psychological/emotional component of the question why derives its power from a sense of unfairness. The unbalanced grieving/confused heart can only cry out in its agonized state."It's not fair. It's not fair that I shouldn't know why something happened. It's not fair that I was not consulted. It's not fair that I was not given a choice. It's not fair that God...."

Sooner or later the heart cries out for an answer to the unknown, to God (however one defines that term), or the universe, or as my friend said to me "Whoever is up there." Someone has to know why. The mind at the very least needs to believe that someone or something knows why.  Why did God allow this to happen? Millions of people throughout the ages have asked that question. Instinctively asking for answers from the one believed to be ultimately responsible, only to be met with silence. The one who knows why is not talking, preferring it seems, to let us twist in the wind: grieving, confused, and unknowing. It is at this point that the psychological/emotional aspect comes into play. Now the question why has taken on a second focus, added on a second demand, like the forked tongue of a serpent. Not only does the grieving/confused heart need to know why this happened; now it needs to know why God won't tell me. God is unfair. He knows why this happened. He did it... or at the very least allowed it to happen, and now he sits there in benevolent silence, unmoved by the tears of a grieving creation.

This is not a rant against god, but rather against an idea of god. A creation of our own minds, a god trapped in a dualistic this or that reality. When gods are personified they can't help behaving as we do. They love they hate, they are kind they are cruel, they bless and they curse they forgive and they withhold forgiveness, they are fair, and in reference to the above example they can be decidedly unfair. An unfair god doesn't have to tell you why.

We humans ask why instinctively. It's one of the primary ways we learn. Is there a human child that has never asked why? I doubt it. We want to know everything about everything. As I said the question why is born of the desire for knowledge. "Why" (the question) causes an imbalance in the mind, "Because" (knowledge or the answer) restores it. This mental transaction only exists as a thought; it has no effect on reality. Let me explain. If you throw a stone into a body of water it will sink to the bottom. If you throw it with enough velocity and at the right angle it will skip over the surface of the water before sinking. Why? There are many reasons, good scientific explanations why this is so. We could discuss the density of the stone vs. the density of the water or the degree of the angle of entry vs. the surface tension of the water or the required velocity in miles per hour to achieve the skipping effect. Who cares? It doesn't matter if you understand it or not. Reasons why only matter to the mind that is asking.  It has no effect on reality.  Throw the stone just right and it skips on the water. Reality, end of story. Why doesn't matter.

Reality trumps the thought of what is understood, or not understood about any given situation. Seeing this clearly allows a person to transcend the mental/emotional suffering imposed by the question why, however great or small that question may be.

Clearly there is no comparison between the degree of suffering caused by not knowing why a stone skips across water, and not knowing why a beloved friend had to die. One makes us scratch our heads with curiosity and the other makes us weep with heartache, and so it should be.

If asking why is the gateway to suffering, then surrender to reality is the gateway to peace. May we awaken to this truth..

Peace be with you,
Ron  

The Dualistic Parable of The Tilted Table

--A fun look at the "other" side.

Two superstitious women sat at a table to have coffee and cookies, and to chat about their day and their children. Immediately the women realized that the table was tilted toward one, and away from the other. Each tried to act interested in what the other was saying, and smile at the appropriate time, but the conversation soon died and the smiles along with it.

Both women began to consider her place at the table, and what this meant. One woman looked at the table and said to herself,  "This table tilts away from me. Surely this means all my good luck will leave me, and run to the her. If only I had known in which direction the table was tilted I would have chosen the other seat, and her good fortune would have run to me. This will never do." Unable to bear the thought any longer she made an excuse, and got up to leave the table.

The woman across from her had also been considering the table and said  to herself, "This table tilts toward me. Surely this means that all her bad luck will leave her and run toward me. If only I had known in which direction the table was tilted I would have chosen the other seat, and my bad fortune would have run to her. This will never do." Unable to bear the thought any longer she also made an excuse and got up to leave the table.

The next time they met for cookies and coffee they sat at the opposite side of the table from their last meeting.The smiles and conversation went on and on, each woman satisfied with her place at the table.

Life is good!...if you get what you want.

Peace be with you,
Ron

A Fourth of July Advaitamin

The Fourth of July is nearly here. American Independence Day- when patriotism will be in full bloom and all across America there will be backyard cook outs in the afternoon and fireworks when it gets dark. Professional and amateur fireworks displays can be heard for miles in every direction. Everybody likes a good fireworks show and every kid likes to light the fuse on their favorite ones. Hand-held sparklers are, by far, the all time favorite of young American children.

Let me give you a little scenario of one night in front of our house on a Fourth of July night long ago. My best friend Frankie and I were holding sparklers and waving them around in the air, making patterns and light trails. Just before the sparklers went out, we threw them as high as we could into the air to make them look like shooting stars as they arched through the night sky... and landed- to our horror- on a neighbor’s roof. Silence reigned as we all stared, waiting to see if the roof would catch fire. Frankie and I stood condemned. We broke the cardinal rule of home fireworks display: don't throw a burning object onto someone’s house. Fire is the bane of homeowners across the face of the earth, from the poorest in ramshackle huts to the richest in glorious mansions. No one, with the exception of insurance scammers, wants to see their house burn down. Fortunately, the sparklers went out before Mrs. Mendoza's house caught on fire. All's well that ends well.

Here is a hierarchy of levels of severity that can ensue from throwing sparklers in the air.
If your sparkler lands on a neighbors roof and it catches fire, that's bad.
If your sparkler lands on your roof and it catches fire, that's worse.
 If your sparkler lands on a house on the next block and it catches fire, that's bad… but not as bad, since you don't know them.

The hierarchy is tongue in cheek of course, but there is an underlying principle that gives it meaning and validity. What's at play here, is in one word, "other”  In the  conditioned  world view into which we are all born, there is a concept that takes center stage and insists that it is the only truth of existence. It goes something like this: There is “I” and there is other. Other, being defined as people, and the world we interact with. “I” is subject, other is object. “I” defines, other is defined. “I” knows, other is known. “I” is me and mine, other is you and yours. “I” is most important, other less so. If my sparkler burns down your house I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I would be if I burn my own house down. I, me, mine, are priority. The reverse is also true if your sparkler burns down my house. Why? Because you and yours are other; other in the context we are speaking of is equivalent to separate. Separate implies independence. Where there is independence there is the potential for conflict because now there are two "I's" and two “others”.  
Two people, two families, two religions, two nations all seeing themselves as priority one, and everyone and everything else as other. I, me, mine, we, our, ours; separate, different, open to conflict, willing to hate, willing to enslave, willing to kill, even in the name of the Lord.

I can't change the way of the world. I can only open myself up to the realization that in the understanding of one-ness the end of conflict is born. I'm not writing here to prove it - - it's not provable - - but it is a living reality for some.

What better day to contemplate the inter-connectedness, the one-ness of all things, than on a day that celebrates the opposite: The Fourth of July: American Independence Day.  

Peace be with you,
Ron

The Problem with Bliss-ters

Dancing in bad shoes; Ow! Blisters! 
Won't dance for a while.
Learning guitar with bad strings; Ow! Blisters!
Won't practice for a while.
Meditating with bad understanding; Ahh! Bliss-ters!
Do it again tomorrow.
Enlightenment can wait!


Peace be with you,
Ron

One, The Lonliest Number?

I'm writing this post without the usual vignette from my life, because frankly I can't think of anything that fits. I am also writing this post in the belief that you are reading this because of interest in the concept of non-duality, and are familiar with the terms and expressions used in my previous discussions. 

In non-dual circles a word that has become synonymous with non-duality is the Sanskrit word Advaita which translates as "not two", and often heard in these same discussions is the phrase "one without a second". Both are in reference to the understanding that reality emanates from and is nothing other than an aspect of the Absolute (God, Consciousness) manifesting itself as all things, physical, mental, and spiritual. There is no separate existence. There is not the Absolute and the world, there is only the Absolute. Adi Shankara (788 CE-820 CE) preeminent philosopher of Advaita is often quoted thus:
The world is an illusion
Brahman alone is real
Brahman is the world
 According to Advaita, if reality is not two then it must be one; it would seem then, that the concept of oneness should follow logically. In fact, Oneness is an accepted description of this understanding. The sages affirm that reality is not two, but in defiance of logic, affirm that reality is also not one. This clarification finds expression in the term "not two, not one". Attempting to explain this seeming contradiction is the heart of this posting.

Trusting that a simple explanation is often the best explanation, I begin this discussion with a limited definition of the word before: A designation in time or sequence in relation to a future time or sequence, designated by the word after. It is in the nature of the relationship between before and after, that the understanding of “not two, not one" can be found. Continuing with the theme of relationship; most of us think of, and experience reality in a dualistic manner. If I say black most people will say white, if I say up most people will say down, if I say near most people will say far. It is how we are conditioned to think and reason, and it comes as naturally as breathing. Advaita seeks to lead us beyond this conditioned response in a way that is simple yet profoundly intuitive.

Let us designate before as "one" and after as "two". In this obviously dualistic example: "one" (before) anticipates "two" (after) both temporally and sequentially. In our experience this has always held true.  Advaita raises the question; what happens to "one" (before) if "two" (after) never appears? Can you have a before if there is no after? Can you have an after if there is no before? Likewise, without two, the designation one is meaningless. One no longer has a reference in time or sequence. One is no longer one. One is now all there is, one just is. The Is-ness of reality...which is what we are discussing... is now all we see.

Let's return to our earlier description of non-dual reality, using the new parameter we have established. When we hear the phrase "one without a second" referring to the Absolute, we understand we are not talking about time or sequence, but about a concept beyond our ability to completely comprehend. When we add the clarifier "not two, not one" we become aware that the Absolute never was, and has never been before anything, and that nothing can, or ever will come after.

Peace be with you,
Ron

Halloween Advaitamin

This will be a short little post...an Advaitamin.


I can't remember every Halloween that I participated in as a kid, nor can I remember every costume that I wore. Most of those nights, running from yard to yard yelling "Trick or Treat", have faded from memory.  What hasn't faded  is the way Halloween felt, the experience of it: the sights and sounds, jaywalking across streets with a full sack of goodies, the big house with the cheesy scarecrow on the porch, being disappointed when someone gave you raisins instead of candy, being overjoyed when someone gave you a big handful of  chocolates, coming home tired to sort out the nights haul. That was pure fun. That was Halloween.

There is one memory of Halloween that I cherish to this day and look back at as something almost sacred. It was a completely private experience and, until now, I have never discussed nor shared it with anyone else. It was the moment I put on my mask and looked out through the eye holes. In that moment, awareness arose. In that moment I became aware that "I" was looking out from behind the mask. I was just a kid, but I was present to the moment, experiencing a profound sense of being. I couldn't have explained it like that at the time, but that was how it felt.


Many many years have gone by since I last wore a Halloween mask. My masks are more subtle now, and I change them from time to time. What hasn't changed is the fact that "I" am still here, looking out from behind the mask, more precisely, what I am is still here, looking out.


Peace be with you,
Ron

One-ness and Mr. Mobius

Once, on a visit to the Los Angeles Museum of Science, I came upon a curious object known as a Mobius Strip. A Mobius Strip is essentially a loop, but with only a half twist in the surface. This half twist is the feature that gives a Mobius Strip it's most peculiar characteristic. It may look like a loop, but it only has one side and one edge. If you try to paint only one side of it, you will inevitably paint all of it. If you try and draw a line down the middle, of one side of it, you will end up drawing a line that meets itself;  because it only has one side. If you try to color what looks like the outside edge, you will soon find yourself coloring the inside edge; because it only has one edge. The Mobius Strip gives you no choice about which surface to paint; because it only has one surface; this makes it the perfect metaphor, for the concept of choosing One-ness.


Choosing to see the One-ness of all things can be a very daunting task, if the mind is still filtering through the divided lens of duality. Years and years of conditioned thinking from a dualistic perspective, will not easily yield to a simple suggestion, that all is one. It is especially hard to see this, when the object you see is manifesting as aversion; something or someone you have no desire to be one with. We only want to be one with people or things, that pass a certain standard. Beauty, pleasure, joy, in all their variations are welcomed; ugliness, pain and sorrow are not. One-ness, like the example of the Mobius Strip, doesn't give you a choice, if it did it would not be One-ness. To choose, to make any kind of distinction, to show any preference intrinsically promotes the exclusion of one over another. Choice, distinction, and preference are antithetical to One-ness.


 The elements of choice arise simultaneously, and cannot stand independently. There is no chooser, without a chosen; no chosen, without a chooser; and no choosing without both a chooser and a chosen. Eliminate any one of the elements and there is no concept called choice.

Where in One-ness is there room for choice? There isn't; there can't be. That would be like saying all leaves room for more. All means all; not less than, not more than. A circle has 360 degrees not 359, not 361. All is complete. One-ness is complete; it can't be added to nor subtracted from, and from this standpoint, gives you no choice. If there is no choice then, by logic, there is nothing to choose, not even One-ness.


 Labels are all we have to express the inexpressible. Duality, non-duality, One-ness, choice, all are just labels; one more thing to cling to, one more thing to transcend. You can't choose One-ness because you are One-ness; you are an aspect of the Absolute One-ness, and so is every other person, and every other thing in all creation.

So, cut yourself a strip of paper; give it a half twist and tape the ends together. Take a highlighter and start coloring what appears to be a side. When you have finished coloring your, "chosen side", you will have colored the entire strip. There was no choice in the matter, there was only One-ness. Thank you, Mr. Mobius.

Peace be with you,
Ron